1.
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The movie opens in an orphanage in the Far East, where a young boy takes the name Simon Templar – Templar after the Knights Templar and Simon after:
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Simon Peter, Jesus' disciple
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Simon Magus, a magician
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Simon of Cyrene, who helped Jesus carry his cross
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Simon Le Bon, lead singer of Duran Duran
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2.
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Simon runs away from the orphanage after what harrowing experience?
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He is brutalised by a priest for refusing to answer to his given saint name
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He is exorcised of his inner demons
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He is excommunicated for leading an orphan rebellion
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His first love falls to her death as he tries to kiss her
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3.
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Now an adult, Simon has become a master thief with a penchant for disguise. The first disguise we see is:
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a Russian policemen
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a Ukrainian fortune teller
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an Italian gadabout
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a French tourist
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4.
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Simon is busted stealing a microchip from Russian oligarch Ivan Tretiak. He pretends to be:
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South African
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Australian
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American
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Samoan
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5.
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He is busted stealing the microchip by Tretiak's son, Ilya, a pony-tailed little squirt who affectedly sports:
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a Kangol cap
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an umbrella
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a cane
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a monocle
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6.
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How much money does Simon want in his Zurich bank account to retire from his life of crime?
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$20 million
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$50 million
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$100 million
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$200 million
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7.
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Tretiak wants Simon found, so he poses as a client. Simon meets him in Berlin, using the guise of Bruno Hautenfast, a saint who:
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brought the light to many heathens with his eloquence
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was martyred by having his eyes removed and the sockets filled with boiling oil
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was converted to Christianity after his wife grew a miraculous beard
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took a vow of poverty and went to live in the forest in the nude
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8.
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At the meeting, Simon offers Ilya:
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coffee
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a cigarette
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a light
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lip balm
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9.
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Tretiak hires Simon to steal a secret formula for what?
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antimatter
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cold fusion
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perpetual motion
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the Colonel's eleven secret herbs and spices
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10.
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The formula has been developed by eccentric American scientist Dr Emma Russell, who suffers from:
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a heart condition
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a collapsed lung
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asthma
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short term memory loss
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11.
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Emma is working at:
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Yale
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the Sorbonne
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Oxford
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Bologna
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12.
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To meet Emma for the first time, Simon takes the guise of:
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a bald, nervous journalist
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a bumbling philosophy don
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an uptight police detective
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Tom Selleck
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13.
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To meet Emma a second time, Simon takes the guise of Thomas More, named for a saint who died for his faith. Thomas is:
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an artist
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a gymnast
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a race car driver
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a poet
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14.
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Still as Thomas More, Simon takes Emma out to dinner and buys two bottles of the most expensive wine in the restaurant. From where does he get the money?
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from his wallet
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from his coat pocket
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from down his pants
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from behind Emma's ear – magic!
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15.
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Simon steals the formula and takes it to Moscow, to find that Tretiak really wants him dead. Somehow, Emma tracks him down and they escape, but not before Emma has to treat Simon for:
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heat stroke
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decompression sickness
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anaphylaxis
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hypothermia
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16.
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While escaping from Ilya in the tunnels underneath Moscow, Simon and Emma run into:
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Tretiak's secret hideout
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a group of homeless people sheltering from the cold
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a gang of art smugglers
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a disused bomb shelter
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17.
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When Tretiak discovers the cold fusion formula does not work, what does he do?
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he tears it up
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he tries to expose Emma as a fraud
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he threatens to kill Emma if she won't give him the correct formula
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he sells it to the Russian government
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18.
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Every saint needs three miracles. The first is that the cold fusion machine works. The second is the crowd in Red Square turns against Tretiak. What is the third?
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That Simon doesn't get arrested
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That the Russians find the fuel oil stored under Treiak's mansion
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The light from the cold fusion machine forms a saint's halo around Simon's head
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That Emma loves Simon – bleah!
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19.
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The movie ends with a radio announcer relating how mysterious donations were made from Tretiak's bank account to various charities. Which actor provides the voice?
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Patrick Macnee
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David McCallum
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Richard Chamberlain
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Roger Moore
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20.
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Bonus question: The original ending for the film proved unpopular with test audiences and was re-shot. What happens in the original ending?
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Simon kills the Tretiaks, but loses a hand
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Emma dies and Simon vows to use his talents for good
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Simon martyrs himself to save Emma
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Simon finds God
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