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How Well Do You Know: 300
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1. Who is the first person to draw blood by striking Leonidas?
His father
Queen Gorgo
2. The boy who would become a great warrior is taken away from his family for battle training at what age?
3. the boy, Leonidas, has to kill someone/something to prove his prowess as a warrior. What is it?
His brother
His father
His mother
A wolf
4. Who is the narrator of 300?
Queen Gorgo
5. "Only Spartan women..."
can seduce any man.
Give birth to real men.
Know a sissy when they see one, Persian.
Put out before the third date.
6. Why do the Ephors deny Leonidas' request?
They accept a bribe from the Persians.
They accept a bribe from Theron.
They fear the Oracle Girl will leave them if they do.
They want the Oracle Girl replaced by Gorgo.
7. What does Stelios seek in the coming battle?
An adversary who could offer a beautiful death.
Enough heads to complete his collection.
Further proof that Sparta is Zeus' favored child.
8. A calamity befalls the emissary to the ruler of all the world. What is it?
Gorgo unmans him.
Leonidas "introduces" himself in his own special way.
Stelios beheads him.
Stelios cuts off his whipping arm.
9. "By noon this day, you will be dead men. A thousand nations of the Persian empire descend upon you. Our arrows will blot out the sun."
"I love a good eclipse."
"Our phalanx will be our umbrella."
"Then we will fight in the shade."
"You threaten with arrows. I threaten with curved steel."
10. Who knows of a route through the hills?
11. What does Leonidas inform Ephialties he cannot participate in the coming battle?
He cannot hold formation due to his hunchback.
He cannot properly hold a shield in phalanx formation.
He cannot properly wield a sword.
He is just too damned ugly to look Parker Posey.
12. In what chronological order do the first three Persian attacks occur?
Arrow onslaught, infantry, cavalry
Cavalry, infantry, arrow onslaught
Infantry, arrow onslaught, cavalry
Cavalry, arrow onslaught, weird looking armor clad, horned beast thingy
13. What does Captain do immediately after Leonidas says, "There's no reason we can't be civil."?
He beheads a guy.
He eats an apple then sticks the core in a skull.
He spears a guy (not like that, pervert).
He winks then goes back to torturing Xerxes' messenger.
14. Xerxes has a unique look, to say the least. What color is his hair?
Cerulean blue
Kind of a mauve
Xerxes is as bald as a porn star's privates.
15. What position does the Yao Ming-sized, self-proclaimed God-King of Persia offer
Emperor of all Greece
King of Yesterday
Warlord of all Greece
Reverse cowgirl with any nubile slave girl of his choice
16. What is the God-King's fatal flaw, according to the narrator?
His ginormous nose piercing has grown infected.
Utter lack of fashion sense
17. The Persian Guardian Elite unleash a monster upon Leonidas. How does the Spartan king kill the heavily scarred, presumed immortal uber-elite?
Kicks him in the jimmy, stabs him through the neck
Kicks him in the jimmy, bites his ear Tyson-style then stabs him through the mouth.
Stabs him in the eye, beheads him before he can recover
Spears him through the chest, beheads him for good measure
18. How does King Xerxes discipline his generals?
He throws them off the cliff.
His slaves serve them as his dinner that night.
Some fat guy with blades for arms beheads them.
It involves clothespins, barbed wire, olive oil, and grunting.
19. What fate befalls the battle elephants?
Their hides make fine material for the Spartans' new shields.
Their tusks become the finest drinking tankards in all of Greece.
They slip off the cliffs to their doom.
Bart Simpson adopts them all and names each one Stampy.
20. Who is the Spartan traitor?
21. What does Leonidas state is Spartan Law?
Anyone who defeats me in combat rules Sparta.
Everybody fights, nobody quits.
Glory comes through bloodshed and tears.
No retreat, no surrender.
22. What does Theron demand of Gorgo before agreeing to help her with the Spartan council?
She must cede her firstborn son to him.
She must divorce Leonidas.
She must leave Sparta.
She must submit to him sexually.
23. Who is assigned the task of delivering the final message to the council?
24. Rather than honor his promise to Gorgo, Theron betrays her by accusing her of what? (Like it's surprising a guy would lie to get sex.)
Female foolishness and drivel
25. When Dilios returns to wage war against the Persians, how many Spartan warriors does he bring to avenge the 300?

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