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How Well Do You Know: The Cabin in the Woods: Easy Version
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Unicorns have a *lot* of pent up anger.

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1. During a boring office discussion, we learn that this country has a perfect track record.
The United States
By way of explanation.....
The United States is #2 so "we try harder."
2. Which archetype from The Cabin in the Woods is revealed to be sleeping with his/her professor?
The Athlete
The Fool
The Virgin
The Whore
By way of explanation.....
Dana "The Virgin" not only slept with her professor but also got dumped via email. He sounds classy.
3. Beverages are oddly important in the early stages of the movie. Marty aka The Fool has a tumbler that cleverly disguises a...
Flask of holy water
By way of explanation.....
The very first shot of the film is two people standing beside a coffee machine, ordering their morning beverage. Then, Marty breaks out the tumbler bong.
4. Oh, look! There's a gorgeous eagle flying through the sky! Oh, no! The eagle is...
electrocuted by an invisible fence
mowed down by the RV as exits the tunnel
shot by a redneck zombie
two under par
By way of explanation.....
Some people maintain that the eagle's demise undoes the shock of the later reveal on the motorcycle jump. I disagree but it's worth debating.
5. Hey, the creepy old dude from the gas station has a name! It's Mordecai. He also has a nickname (job title?), which is The Harbinger. Why does Mordecai The Harbinger get angry (angrier?) with the people in the Control Room?
He cannot sleep with The Whore.
He cannot leave the premises.
He is not allowed to place a wager in the betting pool.
He is on speaker phone.
By way of explanation.....
They even lie and tell Mordecai he is no longer on speaker phone then laugh when he realizes otherwise. Why are people so mean to Mordecai The Harbinger?
6. What is everybody betting on?
Who dies first.
Who gets chosen as the monster killers for this event.
Who lives the longest.
Who sleeps with The Whore first.
7. Control Room employee Steve (you know, Josh from The West Wing) bets on which type of creature?
By way of explanation.....
I love that one of the monsters on the dry erase board is simply called Kevin. I bet he could wipe out all of the Dismemberment Goblins. Alas, the answer is still Merman.
8. Who is The Whore dared to make out with?
Dana the Virgin
Marty the Fool
A moose...or is that a wolf?
By way of explanation.....
Anyone who cannot tell the difference between a moose and a wolf has a serious drug problem.
9. Which ancient artifact is eventually selected?
Ballerina music box
Conch Shell
Diary of Anna Patience Buckner
Mysterious Film Reel
By way of explanation.....
Anna Patience Buckner gets bonus points for using the phrase "husband's bulge".
10. Why is The Whore acting particularly whore-ish?
The Chem department is pumping in pheremones to increase the horny.
The Athlete and The Virgin have indicated that they may be up for some special fun.
R & D left a device in her room that...vibrates.
Zoology has infested her bloodstream with a little creature they call Furry Horndog.
11. Let's get to the gruesome. Who dies first?
The Athlete
The Scholar
The Whore
A Zombie named Patience
12. After The Whore dies, we discover the purpose of the entire exercise. What is it?
An exploration of Joss Whedon's belief that his characters must die.
Reality programming that we hope will be utilized against the cast members of Jersey Shore
Reality programming that we hope will be utilized against the Kardashians
A ritual sacrifice in order to keep the Ancient Ones slumbering
By way of explanation.....
Nobody missed this one, right? RIGHT?!
13. What does the Zombie Redneck Torture Family (garage bands in need of a name, take note!) throw into The Cabin?
The Athlete's Head
The Director's Head
Patience's Diary
The Whore's Head
By way of explanation.....
I think this is a great prank idea for a wedding shower.
14. Which member of the sexy teens believes that they are on a reality TV show?
The Athlete
The Fool
The Scholar
The Virgin
By way of explanation.....
"My parents are going to think I'm such a burnout."
15. Who is the second person abducted by the Zombie Torture Family?
The Athlete
The Director
The Fool
The Scholar
By way of explanation.....
Fool, if you think it's over...
16. After being defeated, where does Kiko's spirit live?
In the happy frog
In the octopus tentacles
In the kimchi that nurtures us all
Nowhere. It is expelled to Oblivion.
By way of explanation.....
The Japanese schoolgirls are my favorite bit in the entire movie.
17. "How hard is it..."
"to kill 9-year-olds?"
"to kill a pothead?"
"to seduce a virgin?"
"to select a merman?"
By way of explanation.....
Richard Jenkins' reaction to the schoolgirls is my second favorite bit in the movie
18. Control Room operator Gary (Richard Jenkins) barely saves the day by fixing some circuit boards and wires, which has the effect of...
Blowing up the tunnel entrance
Moving the tunnel entrance
Powering down the RV
Shutting down the elevator
By way of explanation.....
There are enough mistakes during this movie that I am forced to wonder about the hiring practices of the company involved.
19. Who tries to perform a Fonzie-esque motorcycle jump across the chasm?
The Athlete
The Fool
The Scholar
By way of explanation.....
He doesn't seem very athletic as he falls to the bottom.
20. Which of these people does not die before the elevator is accessed?
The Athlete
The Fool
The Scholar
The Whore
By way of explanation.....
This is a gimme.
21. The Virgin's death is...
By way of explanation.....
Good news, virgins! You may not die! Of course, you'll still be virgins.
22. Who saves the day when Dana The Virgin is about to get decapitated?
The Director
The Fool
Ronald the Intern
23. When The Virgin and The Fool are pinned in by a security team, what do they choose to do?
Enter the catacombs
Invade the Control Room
Request an audience with The Director
Unleash the army of nightmares
24. Three different people in the movie repeat the same catchphrase, including The Virgin when she unleashes the Army of Nightmares. What is the catchphrase?
Can't stop the signal.
Let's get this party started.
We have done the impossible and that makes us mighty.
You're gonna die screaming but you won't be heard.
By way of explanation.....
This was a cheap excuse to post some of my favorite Whedonverse quotes. The bad guys from Hush really ought to be in the movie somewhere.
25. What kills Steve Hadley aka Josh from The West Wing?
Sexy Witches
Sugarplum Fairy
By way of explanation.....
Again, if you missed this one, your score on the quiz is probably going to be very, very low. Death by Sexy Witches is the way I want to go out.

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