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How Well Do You Know: Bad Santa
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Answers:
1. Willie Stokes mentions personal life events that he feels were better than being a mall Santa. Which of these events is not mentioned?
living in Mexico for years after dodging the draft
being shot at
accidentally running his own dog over with a car
having a kidney removed
 
2. Willie celebrates the close of the mall on Christmas Eve, and the end of another year as a mall Santa, by:
shooting an elf in the groin with a dart gun
wetting himself
passing out drunk in Santa's chair
finding something special to slip into later in the ladies' lingerie section
 
3. Willie and Marcus, his little partner-in-crime, celebrate Christmas Eve by stealing over $100,000 out of the mall safe. Who is their accomplice, driving the getaway van?
The mall security guard
Marcus's wife
Willie's father
the local bartender
 
4. What words uttered by Willie catch the attention of mall manager Bob Chipeska, leading him to believe Willie may be a problem with the children?
"ass clown"
"dirty pervert"
"stupid little sh*ts"
"f*#k stick"
 
5. After sleeping with him, bartender Sue tells Willie she's had a "thing for Santa" since she was a child, which stems from:
Christmas not being celebrated in her Jewish household
being attracted to overweight men
loving ZZ Top and any man with long beards
being told by a classmate, "You think it would be great to be married to Santa Claus, but nobody thinks about the fact that you'd have to have sex with him". Sue wants to see what that's all about.
 
6. Chipeska wants to fire Willie and Marcus after he catches Willie having sex in a dressing room. However, he changes his mind after:
Willie offers him a cut of whatever money they steal from the department store
Willie convinces him that his antics are brought on by low blood sugar
being accused of discrimination towards a "small black midget"
the back-up Santa quits
 
7. Why does Willie spend the night at The Kid's house?
someone had broken into his motel room and Willie was afraid it was a cop
he dropped The Kid off at his house, and Willie's car died in the driveway
he wanted to scope out the house a little more, trying to see what else he could steal
he wants to score with The Kid's elderly grandmother
 
8. What does The Kid show Willie the next morning, after waking him off and offering him some orange juice?
his Christmas list
a picture of his dead mother
an Advent calendar
his father's mug shot
 
9. What does security manager Gin take from a teenage shoplifter after catching him trying to steal a video game?
his mp3 player
his watch
his underwear
his shopping bags filled with gifts
 
10. After passing out drunk, Willie wakes up the next morning to the sound of the kid screaming. Why?
he was upset that Willie ate all the chocolate out of the advent calendar
he accidentally cut his hand
he was traumatized by seeing Willie and Sue having sex in the hot tub the previous night
he found his grandmother dead on the couch
 
11. Willie fixes The Kid's Advent calendar, but the kid still knows that someone messed with it. How?
he sees that the calendar is being held together by tape
he sees that the days on the calendar have been re-attached but are out of order
he finds candy corn in that day's compartment
his grandmother tells him that Willie ate all of the chocolate inside
 
12. The Kid shows up at the mall to talk to Willie about what he wants for Christmas, after:
being given a wedgie by some local punks
talking to his incarcerated father
realizing he's probably not going to get anything this year
realizing that he can guilt Willie into doing whatever he wants him to do
 
13. Gin confronts Willie and Marcus, letting them know he's onto their scam. What does he want in return for keeping quiet?
half of whatever they steal
a night with Marcus's wife
a new car
a role in the robbery - to be a part of their crew
 
14. A drunken Willie scares the parents and children waiting in line to sit on Santa's lap, by:
vomiting on Santa's chair
screaming profanities at a little boy he didn't like the look of
attacking a plastic donkey that was part of the Santa's Village display
kicking Marcus in the air as though he was a football
 
15. The Kid enters the garage to talk to Willie, thwarting his plan to:
masturbate
kill himself
have sex with Sue in an antique automobile
sleep off a massive hangover
 
16. Why does Willie tell Marcus he feels good about beating up some kids - ones who have been giving The Kid a hard time - earlier that day?
it makes him happy to watch kids cry
it was for a purpose
there will be fewer kids showing up to sit on Santa's lap once word gets out
it made him realize he wants children of his own
 
17. The Kid gives Willie an early Christmas present. What is it?
a bottle of laundry detergent
cheap booze
the stuffed elephant The Kid had wanted
a wooden pickle
 
18. Willie finds out The Kid's name after seeing it on his report card. What is it?
William Williams
Thurman Merman
Ethan Allen
Wayne Maine
 
19. Willie encounters a problem when he and Marcus sneak back into the store after closing. He:
forgot his tools in the car
accidentally sets off the burglar alarm
is not sure he can open the safe
realizes he forgot to get The Kid a Christmas present
 
20. Marcus pulls a gun on Willie after Willie:
goes to get a present for The Kid
tells Marcus he wants a bigger cut of the stolen loot
says this is his last job
can't get the safe open
 
21. In a letter to The Kid, Willie mentions that was not charged with any crimes - why?
people were outraged that an unarmed Santa was shot in front of children
he paid off the local judge with some of the stolen money
he offered to do community service
he became disabled after the shooting, and everyone thought that was "punishment enough"
 
22. Willie sends The Kid a present - a t-shirt. What does it say?
"You remind me of a douchebag I know."
"It's five o'clock somewhere."
"Drink til she's hot."
"Sh*t happens when you party naked."
 
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