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How Well Do You Know: The Life of Brian

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Answers:

1.	Shortly after being born, Brian Cohen is visited by three wise men bearing gifts. Why is she worried that one of them is giving Brian myrrh?
		it might bite him
		he might eat it
		one day, it’ll turn on him
		he’s too young to know about sex

2.	What star sign is Brian?
		Aries
		Pisces
		Capricorn
		Libra

3.	While listening to Jesus’ sermon on the mount, Mr Cheeky (Eric Idle) comments on the size of his neighbour’s:
		Adam’s apple
		ears
		nose
		bottom

4.	Blessed are the:
		sneezemakers
		greasemakers
		fleecemakers
		cheesemakers

5.	Brian and his mother leave the sermon for the stoning. Meanwhile, Jesus’ sermon is not appreciated by some – apparently what he fails to appreciate is that it’s the ________ who are the problem:
		merciful
		poor in spirit
		meek
		persecuted

6.	Outside the stoning, Brian asks his mother to buy:
		a round stone
		a flat stone
		a pointy stone
		a packet of gravel

7.	About to be stoned for blasphemy is Matthias, son of Deuteronomy of Gath. What did he say was good enough for Jehovah?
		that piece of mackerel
		that piece of halibut
		that piece of flounder
		that piece of herring

8.	How much does Brian give the ex-leper (Michael Palin)?
		half a drachma
		half a lepton
		half a shekel
		half a denarius

9.	Brian’s mother informs him that his father a centurion in the Roman army named:
		Naughtius Maximus
		Coitus Magnissimus
		Kinkius Ultimus
		Anus Optimus

10.	Brian has a job selling snacks at the gladiator stadium. What is not one of the snacks he offers?
		otter's noses
		peacock tongues
		jaguar's earlobes
		wolf nipple chips

11.	Stan (Eric Idle) is always on about women because he wants to be one. What would he like to be called?
		Ethel
		Gladys
		Deirdre
		Loretta

12.	Stan, Reg (John Cleese) and Francis (Michael Palin) are all members of:
		the People’s Front of Judaea
		the Judaean People’s Front
		the People’s Judaean Front
		the Judaean Front of the People

13.	Of the following Latin phrases, which correctly translates as “Romans, go home”?
		Romanos, ito domis
		Romani, ite domum
		Romanem, irent domibus
		Romanes, eunt domus

14.	The People’s Front of Judaea prepare to raid Pilate’s palace. Of the following, what have the Romans not given the people of Jerusalem?
		the aqueduct
		roads
		chariot races
		public baths

15.	Brian’s cellmate Ben, who accuses him of being a jailer’s pet, is played by which Python?
		John Cleese
		Eric Idle
		Michael Palin
		Terry Jones

16.	Brian is captured on the raid but according to Ben he’ll probably get away with:
		stoning
		flaying
		burning
		crucifixion

17.	Pontius Pilate has a gweat fwiend who wanks as high as any man in Wome named:
		Bollocks Supremus
		Sausageus Humungus
		Biggus Dickus
		Surplus Penus

18.	And his wife is named:
		Pudenda Magnissima
		Incontinentia Buttocks
		Genitalia Warts
		Vagina Flatulence

19.	Brian is pursued by the Romans and escapes thanks to:
		a camel
		a riot
		a group of pilgrims
		a passing spaceship

20.	Brian pays Harry the Haggler (Eric Idle) 16 shekels for a beard. What does Harry throw into the deal?
		a gourd
		a fish
		a brush
		a pair of sandals

21.	The Romans come to search Matthias’ house for Brian and find nothing. When they come back to check the one place they did not look, what do they find?
		a bowl
		a cup
		a spoon
		a saucer

22.	Brian preaches a sermon to blend in and avoid notice by the Romans. His audience interprets it as accusing:
		the birds of being scroungers
		the butterflies of being parasites
		the flowers of being weak
		the orphans of being freeloaders

23.	Simon the Holy Man (Terry Jones) breaks his eighteen year vow of silence with what phrase?
		Oh, my foot!
		Oh, damn and blast!
		What do you think you’re doing!
		Mother***er!

24.	What is the only thing Simon has to eat?
		thistles
		pomegranates
		mustard seeds
		juniper berries

25.	Brian has a girlfriend. What’s her name?
		Judith Iscariot
		Joan the Baptist
		Martha Magdalene
		Simone the Canaanite

26.	It’s Passover, and it’s the Woman custom to welease a wrongdoer from pwison. Who do the people of Jerusalem not demand be weleased?
		Woger
		Wodewick
		Weginald
		Wingo

27.	And of the following, who is not listed as being in prison?
		Samson the Sadducee Strangler
		Simeon the Samaritan Sorcerer
		Silas the Syrian Assassin
		several seditious scribes from Caesarea

28.	Brian is crucified. Of the following, who does not come to see him?
		Judith
		Brian’s mother
		Simon the Holy Man
		Otto and the suicide squad

29.	What song do the People’s Front of Judaea sing for Brian?
		Nearer, My God to Thee
		For He’s a Jolly Good Fellow
		He’s Got The Whole World (In His Hands)
		Hava Nagila

30.	“For life is quite absurd / And death's the final word.” Which lyric comes next?
		You must always face the curtain with a bow.
		Just remember that the last laugh is on you.
		Life's a laugh and death's a joke. It's true.
		Just purse your lips and whistle. That's the thing.